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  • Home
  • About
  • Books
    • Paranormal Romance >
      • TNSS >
        • TNSS Bloodlines
        • TNSS FAQs
      • TIMS
    • Reverse Harem >
      • HCS
    • Sci Fi Romance >
      • TIRS
    • Contemporary Romance >
      • TRT
    • Erotica >
      • TBSS
      • TBES
      • Taboo
      • Hotwife
    • Poetry >
      • GNR
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My song lyrics...

I occasionally write song lyrics as another form of expression. I've even allowed one of my vampires, Bastian Evanko, to steal some of my songs and call them his own. (Check out my book, Nocturnal Surrender, below to see for yourself.) Here are a few of the songs I have written, including the one from Nocturnal Surrender. Most of these songs are dark and would probably sound best as hard and heavy rock. I could definitely picture one of my favorite bands, Shinedown, doing these songs. Their singer, Brent Smith, is so amazing, but so is the entire band.

All lyrics and excerpts are copyright © Dawn Lorraine "Pearl" Wilhelm and may not be used or reproduced in any way.

Not Good Enough

My mind was broken long ago
Along with my heart and my soul
The years haven’t eased the pain
Or kept me from going insane

The scars they run too deep
Along with secrets that you keep
My time is no longer my own
Since the pain inside has grown

               And taken on a life of its own

I wasn’t good enough for you
Now I’m not good enough for me
You stripped me of my pride
And ripped away my sanity

I wasn’t good enough to love
Now I’m not good enough to care
You made me hate my life
And left me alone and scared

               And still there’s no one there

But I will never let you see
How much you shattered me
I made this promise to myself
I won’t give you anything else

I hope someday you will know
Just how it feels to be alone
To be completely empty inside
With no place for you to hide

               To be taken along for the ride

I wasn’t good enough for you
Now I’m not good enough for me
You stripped me of my pride
And ripped away my sanity

I wasn’t good enough to love
Now I’m not good enough to care
You made me hate my life
And left me alone and scared

               And still there’s no one there

No matter how hard I tried
               It was never enough
No matter how much I gave
               It was never enough
No matter what I said
               It was never enough
               No it was never enough
               No I’m not good enough
               Not good enough

I wasn’t good enough for you
Now I’m not good enough for me
You stripped me of my pride
And ripped away my sanity

I wasn’t good enough to love
Now I’m not good enough to care
You made me hate my life
And left me alone and scared

               And still there’s no one there
               I know there will never be anyone there
               So why should I even care

Would it Have Been so Hard

Where were you when I needed you
What was I supposed to do
When all you cared about,
All you lived for, all you loved
Was yourself

When my world was falling apart
And I opened up my heart
Why did you leave me alone,
Leave me afraid, leave me behind
By myself

Oh, where were you when I needed you

Would it have been so hard
               Just to be there for me
Would it have been so hard
               Just to remember me
Would it have been so hard
               Just to care for me
               Yeah just to care for me
Why weren’t you there for me

Did you even see my tears
Or acknowledge all my fears
When all you dreamed about,
All you wanted, all you needed
Was for yourself

Do you know the pain I’m in
And that it was a sin
To leave it up to a child,
Leave me shattered, leave me broken
All by myself

Oh, did you even see my tears

Would it have been so hard
               Just to be there for me
Would it have been so hard
               Just to remember me
Would it have been so hard
               Just to care for me
               Yeah just to care for me
Why weren’t you there for me

All the blackness in your heart
Poisoned me
All the hateful things you said
Destroyed me
All the madness in your eyes
Terrified me
Left me scarred, left me empty,
You might as well have left me for dead

Oh, where were you when I needed you

Would it have been so hard
               Just to be there for me
Would it have been so hard
               Just to remember me
Would it have been so hard
               Just to care for me
               Yeah just to care for me
Why weren’t you there for me

Guess you will never be

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Devil Inside is featured in the book, Nocturnal Surrender. The song was written specifically for vampire rogue-turned-hero (sort of) Bastian Evanko. Toward the middle of this book, Bastian steps away from his job as bartender at his brother's nightclub, Nocturnal Surrender, to belt out this song with his friends in the band playing at the club that night. He wants to send a message to the vampire ex-Enforcer, Christof Rosenbaum, who beheaded Bastian's mortal fiancee 200 years ago.

Click on the book for purchase links.

Nocturnal Surrender excerpt:

Bastian ached to exact his revenge but vowed to do this smart. He’d find a way to justify his actions so he didn’t break the Elders’ Code. No more reacting without thinking. His rash decisions had cost him too much in the past. He had finally started to rebuild his life, and he had a chance at gaining Donovan’s trust. Besides, he couldn’t go back into exile now that he was seeing Nicole. Although they had only been together for a short time, he’d already felt her emerging love for him. Nothing was worth jeopardizing their relationship.

Slow and steady, that’s the way he’d do this. Methodically, just like stalking prey. Only this victim was meant for vengeance.

He would tear out Rosenbaum’s heart by letting him know how it feels to have someone he loves killed before his eyes. To watch helplessly.

Until the day he could retaliate, Bastian had come up with a way to get his point across without rousing suspicion.

He busied himself with work, and a few hours later, the pair still sat chatting and drinking. When it was finally time for Bastian’s break, he nodded to the band on the small stage at the front of the room. They’d finished their set only seconds earlier, right on schedule.

Nate, the lead singer, pointed to Bastian, smiled, and then addressed the patrons. “Okay everyone, we’ve got a special treat for you tonight. I’m gonna sit this one out—” The room erupted in boos, but Nate continued. “Calm down. I promise you’ll love this. It’s my pleasure to welcome a good friend of mine, and your bartender, to the stage. Give it up for Bastian Evanko!”

If it hadn’t been for keeping his mind focused on Rosenbaum and the woman, he might have been anxious about having earlier agreed to sing one song tonight. He truly was trying to lead a normal life, and befriending the house band had been a great stride for him.

Bastian’s heart raced as he walked up to Nate and took the microphone. He’d rehearsed with the group twice but hadn’t performed in front of an audience for decades. Back in the ‘80s, actually, on one of the rare occasions he had dared to venture out into humanity, rebelling against his sentence from the Elders. Thankfully, no one had ever found out.

He cringed at the thought of all the makeup, hairspray, and spandex. And that was the men. The memory of himself primped like the boys from Poison made him chuckle, and calmed his nerves a little.

The spotlight burned his sensitive eyes, but after a moment he adjusted to its intensity and turned to give the band a grin. The amplifiers hummed in the background. People cheered and clapped, some even yelled his name. Live entertainment brought the typically sedate crowd to life once a week.

Bastian did his best to keep his voice steady when he spoke. “Thank you. I want to sing you this little ditty I wrote called Devil Inside. It’s all about love, hate, and...retribution!”

Shouts filled the air, electric guitars roared to life, and the double bass drum fired like a machine gun, drowning out the erratic beating of Bastian’s heart.
Don’t forget the lyrics. Don’t forget the lyrics.

He had a message to deliver, so screwing this up was not an option.
​
Glowering at Rosenbaum, he took a deep breath, and sang,

Devil Inside

You put me through a lifetime of hell
Kept me locked up inside your torture cell
Isolation and desperation from love denied
There was no safe place left for me to hide

You used me, abused me, twisted the knife
I don’t know how I escaped with my life
Years of agony, years of pain…pain…pain
I won’t stop until you feel the same…same

Pain turned to anger then to venom for me to spew

Now don’t be surprised when my devil inside comes for you
Yeah don’t be surprised when my devil inside guns for you
What you see in my eyes, that you despise, is because of you
What I am inside, full of hatred and lies, it’s all from you
So don’t be surprised when my devil inside
Guns for you…guns for you…guns for you

Fuck you too

Now it’s my turn to put you through hell
And lock you up for life inside my torture cell
Your happiness and freedom will be denied
There’ll be no safe place left for you to hide

I’ll use you, abuse you, and twist the knife
No way in hell will you escape with your life
Years of agony, years of pain…pain…pain
I won’t stop and I’ll feel no shame…shame

Pain turned to anger then to venom for me to spew

Now don’t be surprised when my devil inside comes for you
Yeah don’t be surprised when my devil inside guns for you
What you see in my eyes, that you despise, is because of you
What I am inside, full of hatred and lies, it’s all from you
So don’t be surprised when my devil inside
Guns for you…guns for you…guns for you

Fuck you too

Pain turned to anger then to venom for me to spew

Now don’t be surprised when my devil inside comes for you
Yeah don’t be surprised when my devil inside guns for you
What you see in my eyes, that you despise, is because of you
What I am inside, full of hatred and lies, it’s all from you
So don’t be surprised when my devil inside
Guns for you…guns for you…guns for you

Fuck you too
Fuck you too
Fuck you too

No don’t be surprised when my devil inside guns for you

Now I’m comin’ for you
Yeah I’m gunnin’ for you
Now I’m comin’ for you
Yeah I’m gunnin’ for you

FUCK YOU TOO

Nothing Good to Give

Loneliness eats me alive
Years of hate I’ve kept inside
Tearing, ripping, gnawing my brain
Shuddering from all the pain

Don’t know how long I can hold it down
Makes me feel like I’m going to drown
Screaming, running, going insane
Wishing you would feel the same

You took it all from me
               Innocence, love, and happiness
Replaced it with something else
               Hatred, doubt, and blame
Stripped me of my soul
Until I was left with nothing,
No nothing good to give

Retribution drives me now
Years of anger unleashed somehow
Tearing, ripping, gnawing my brain
Praying I can cause you pain

I’m on the verge of losing control
Your darkness has devoured my soul
Screaming, running, going insane
An evil no one could ever tame

You took it all from me
               Innocence, love, and happiness
Replaced it with something else
               Hatred, doubt, and blame
Stripped me of my soul
Until I was left with nothing,
No nothing good to give

Yeah you took it all from me
               Innocence, love, and happiness
Replaced it with something else
               Hatred, doubt, and blame
Stripped me of my soul
Until I was left with nothing,
No nothing good to give

Oh there’s nothing, nothing
No nothing good to give

Don’t ask me to forgive
Cause you left me with nothing,
No nothing good to give

Don’t ask me to forget
Cause I’ve got nothing left
               No nothing left, no nothing left
No nothing good to give

Rising from the Ashes

Strip away all the years of pain

Rip apart my mind
You’re tearing up my soul
I’m losing all control
And running around blind

My heart no longer feels
Good memories are fading fast
Nothing is ever meant to last
There’s no way we can heal

               From wounds that cut so deep

But I swear, you won’t get the best of me
               I will rise from the ashes
               Rise up from the ashes
No you haven’t seen the last of me
               I will rise from the ashes
               Rise up from the ashes
I’m rising from the ashes of our love

Strip away all the tears of pain

Turn and walk away
I’m taking back what’s mine
It’s just a matter of time
Yes I will have my day

My heart won’t always ache
There’s no way I’ll let you win
You can’t wash away your sins
One day I’ll watch you break

               From secrets that you keep

And I swear, you won’t get the best of me
               I will rise from the ashes
               Rise up from the ashes
No you haven’t seen the last of me
               I will rise from the ashes
               Rise up from the ashes
I’m rising from the ashes of our love

But I swear, you won’t get the best of me
               I will rise from the ashes
               Rise up from the ashes
No you haven’t seen the last of me
               I will rise from the ashes
               Rise up from the ashes
I’m rising from the ashes
               Rising from the ashes
Yeah I’m rising from the ashes of our love

All content copyright © 2008-2020 Dawn Lorraine "Pearl" Wilhelm. All rights reserved.

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